Making a Million is EZ! EZ! EZ! Yeah, Right.

11 May

This article is by Carolyn Henderson, the managing half of Steve Henderson Fine Art. She is a Regular contributing writer for FineArtViews and her  freelance writing appears in regional newspapers, online magazines, and her humor blog, Middle-Aged Plague.

The Norwegian Artist is a brave man.

As I describe in The Multi-Tasking Norwegian, the man “reads” audio books while he paints, and in a move that I can only describe as audacious and bold, he chose one of those Baby, You Can Become a Millionaire in a Breathtakingly Short Time books by one of those authors who makes it to the seven digits by writing books about how to become a millionaire.

“I wanted to see if there was any substance in the content,” the Norwegian told me, when I shuddered.

Over the course of  the day, the Norwegian Artist updated us on what he was hearing, and, so you don’t have to plonk down $20 (the N.A. downloaded his copy from the library — all very legal, I assure you) and enrich these people even more than they are, here is a synopsis of what the Norwegian learned:

1) HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! I put this in all-caps to fully impart the energetic bounciness of the message. Now there’s nothing wrong with this snippet of common sense — far too many people stop their journey before they put the key in the ignition, convincing themselves that the car will never leave the driveway in the first place.

2) HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE! I repeat this because the Millionaire did, so he must feel that it’s very important.

3) DON’T DRAG YOURSELF DOWN WITH A NEGATIVE ATTITUDE! Hmmm.

4) MOVE FORWARD INTENTIONALLY! I’m not sure about what is happening to the word “intention” these days.  We’re hearing it everyplace, as in, “We sense the need to be intentional in how we account ourselves in this business/ministry/arena/course/relationship.” A college class on Intentional Excellence promises to help students move — with intention — toward a fuller expression of their potential.  (I wonder if Making Millions! Billions! is the text?)

Let’s skip the next 8 chapters and get into the meat — assuming, of course, that this is not a vegan book. Oh, and I’ll drop the caps.  They’re irritating. The exclamation points stay:

5) Make Money in the Comfort of Your Home! This chapter waxed eloquent on the rat-cubicles of the modern office, the annoying boss, the lack of pay, the insecurity of position, the absence of any retirement plan. Noticeably missing was specific information on how to make money in the comfort of your home, in your jammies.

6) Do What You Want to Do, and Let Other People Do the Work for You! This man has a “staff,” kind of like cats do, none of whom, I suspect, is remotely close to being a millionaire. The chapter is a travel log on the various places the author goes and the fun things he does while his staff runs his business. What this business is, we still have no clue, since our Millionaire author apparently does not sell anything — paintings, socks for dogs, widgets — other than his message.

7) Actual Stores in Actual Buildings with Actual Inventory Are Losing Propositions Because No One Can Compete with the Mega Stores! I’ll tell that to our local toy store, yarn store, bookstore, artisan bakery, old fashioned department store, and candy shop — all of whom thrive under the hard work of their creative, energetic, non-millionaire owners. These people make decent, honest livings providing quality products to satisfied customers, and they deserve every penny of profit that they get.

8) Take Advantage of the Internet! Excuse me, but are you feeling condescended to? This chapter, chicken-fried soy steak, advises readers to Promote yourself! Blog! Do the social media thing! Link to other sites! Have them link back to you! My absolute favorite part about this chapter was the Millionaire’s advice on writing quality content: “If you can’t do it yourself, then hire some writer for minimal pay to do it for you. Or better yet, hire someone from overseas.”

Dang. While I wasn’t necessarily planning to become a millionaire as a writer, I did think that I would avoid Debtor’s Prison.

I don’t know how the Norwegian Artist skim reads an audio book, but he managed, and given the content of the book, he must have been running water-soaked brushes over and over the blank canvas as he listened.

He is now contentedly ensconced in a novel about a Polish orphan girl raised by a group of French nuns, while he is painting a still life of Kenyan curios. He says that he feels like a million bucks.
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Chimu, by the Norwegian Artist, Steve Henderson

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